a post Valentine's kind of thought

We put so much pressure on our mates for Valentine's Day.

Did he buy me flowers? Will he get me a romantic card? Will he take me somewhere nice? What if he doesn't do anything? Should I dump him for not making a big deal out of Valentine's Day?

This is frustrating for everyone, and, quite honestly, I'm tired of the bum-rap that we ladies give our men for not being exactly what we, in our impossible heads, want them to be.

now don't get me wrong. Some men are jerks and we women need to see that and we need to get out of that relationship if that is what the case is. Vice versa for those men who are hooked up with jerky women!!!

But so much focus is placed on whether our partner does the right thing for us on this day, rather than looking at what they do on every other day of the year. Check out what The Yarn Harlot had to say about that here. But what I'm talking about is getting rid of the focus on what our partner is doing and starting to focus on what we are doing for our partner.

I'm sorry, but so many of those "self-improvement" Dr.Phil-types have it right - are YOU being the best partner for your mate? Could YOU be doing something differently? Sometimes we spend so much time obsessing over what our partner is NOT doing for us, that we fail to notice that we aren't being that great as partners either. My experience in my relationship(relatively small and insignificant as compared to some, but this is my blog, not theirs) has shown that when I'm super focused on what my fiance ISN'T doing for me, I'm damn well not doing what he needs and that's not fair. It's funny how, once I start to focus on doing what's best for the relationship, and NOT focusing on me so damn much, that the problems and irritations start to disappear and I find myself falling in love with this man all over again.

Let's face it: we've all been there and we've all done it. And while sometimes we have to speak up and let our partner know what's going on, there are other times when we should just shut up, stop pouting/ obsessing/whining/criticizing and either take care of our own needs or take care of our partner's needs.

And if you've read this and you're too busy saying "Yeah, but, he needs to change first...", you're not getting the point and you need to either (a) reread and reread this post until you get it or (b) go out and do something, anything, that your partner likes.

i guarantee you that your energy will change and that, in turn, will change your partner's.